‘Wha’s like us?’ Absolutely no-one, replies ALEX SALMOND in this transcript of the first draft of his Ne’erday broadcast

 

Now, as everyone makes their final preparations for the bells, and get ready to be with their family and friends, I want to extend my best wishes to all of you.

As well as being a time of celebration, Christmas is a time when it is particularly important to think about those who may be facing hardship or loneliness.

We in Scotland are unique in having a shared sense of what I like to call the “common weal”, that is, of our collective responsibility to each other. In every other country this is an unknown quality. It’s well known, to pluck a random example from thin air, that in England, nobody cares about anybody else because they spend all their time worshipping Margaret Thatcher and practising the politics of hate.

But not in Scotland, where we spend all our time being what I like to call “empathic”, which is only one of the many qualities that Scots have and no-one else does because everyone else is rubbish. We have what I like to call “a spirit of community”. That’s because no-one else in the UK believes in community (and we want to put up the cost of buying spirits – that is what I like to call “a joke”).

While we’re on the subject, did you know that Scotland is also one of the few nations in the world where we don’t devour our young? That’s true, that is.

So, where was I? Oh, yes, our community spirit, which is an asset to Scots and to no-one else. And it is very important in these times of economic uncertainty – uncertainty caused by a lack of community spirit and a lack of shared sense of what, you will recall from earlier in this broadcast, I like to call the “common weal” – that we capitalise on that community spirit which, unlike in every other nation (and I’m not singling out England here) is a national asset. After all, no other nation has it.

I know that many of you will be spending time over the festive period to help people in need and I thank all of you who are helping to bring Christmas cheer where it is most needed. England mostly, I should think.

I also want to pay a particular tribute to the many people, especially in our emergency services and our armed forces, for whom Christmas is not a holiday at all. Your commitment and dedication is appreciated by your fellow Scots but not by citizens of another certain nation I could mention, which wants to privatise you and use the proceeds to buy bombs. Probably.

So whether you are working or partying, so long as you are Scottish, then on behalf of the Scottish Government I wish each and every one of you a very merry New Year, or what I like to call “Ne’erday”.